Erin Patten (00:01.36)
So what happens when a woman becomes her own witness? When the wedding photos become memoir chapters? When the husband becomes a footnote? When even the world's famous family can't save her from the work of coming home to herself? My guest today married the brother of one of the most famous women on earth. She filed for an annulment 15 days later.
Romi Marie (00:17.698)
Yeah.
Erin Patten (00:31.48)
She walked down the aisle again six months after that, and now she's writing the memoir of the century about all of it. But that's not why she's here. She's here because she finally chose herself. And I'm so, so honored to be able to have her with me in this space, okay? And that's the only story worth telling. This is Romy Marie.
Romi Marie (00:57.965)
You
Erin Patten (00:59.194)
So I'm just, hey, that was everything. I love it. And you guys, we're so geeked because we're sisters, we're besties, we love each other so much. And only God could have brought us together like this. Being able to do a podcast where she can share vulnerably, authentically, truthfully.
Romi Marie (01:03.521)
What a welcome.
Romi Marie (01:09.677)
Yeah. Yes. Yes. Yes.
Romi Marie (01:18.688)
Amen.
Erin Patten (01:27.024)
all the beauty and chaos that is her life. That is what life is about. And so welcome, Romi, to the Meta Business Millennial podcast.
Romi Marie (01:27.116)
Mm-hmm.
Romi Marie (01:37.854)
I love you so much. just want to say a huge thank you. You are my sister. You are my bestie. I mean, for sure, God brought you and I together, but thank you for holding space for me yet again, but just giving me a place to have a voice too in this. Like I'm so grateful for that right now.
Erin Patten (01:54.596)
Yes, and I am too because
your story and we're gonna get into all this stuff, we just got all the time in the world today. I just, I'm so grateful because you could have done this anywhere. Like you've literally been in People Magazine, In Touch Magazine, you could be on Jennifer Hudson right now if you want it to be. You know, like you could be wherever you want it talking about this and you chose this space and I know why, because it's safe.
Romi Marie (01:59.636)
Yeah, yeah.
Romi Marie (02:23.349)
Mm hmm. Yep.
Erin Patten (02:25.324)
It holds all of you. There is no judgment and you get to really speak your truth. And this is what I believe your soul has been craving this whole time, is to be able to be heard and seen for the 100 % beautiful and witnessed for who you are. Mm-hmm, yeah.
Romi Marie (02:27.402)
Yep.
Romi Marie (02:36.191)
Yes.
Romi Marie (02:42.331)
Yes, yes, 100%. I think, you know, in the same way, and we'll get into the the memoir that I wrote that I'm releasing right now, but I wanted to have creative control and I wanted my voice not to be lost, right? And I've often been, my story's been told for me for so long with very little me being able to jump in. So even having these conversations right now, I need it to be safe. I need it to be with my women. I need it to be where I feel
like it is my voice, you know? And it's like, it's you and I. So having one of these open conversations now with all of this out there that I have not spoken on publicly, you know, at all about what you just brought up. I mean, even hearing you say a lot of it, I'm just like, you know, cause I just haven't, I haven't said anything and I went off social media for a year and I stopped being public and I stopped being present. And I really...
It's yeah, if I'm gonna talk about it, it's gonna be with, you know what I mean? My people. Yeah.
Erin Patten (03:45.218)
I love that. I love that. So let's just go on into my first question. So, know, yeah, and I have to say too, like I've been there, like in terms of creating context, like, Romy and I met a couple years ago in Washington, DC, actually on this at the White House.
Romi Marie (03:51.955)
Yeah. Just stay ready.
Romi Marie (04:08.605)
the White House.
Erin Patten (04:11.693)
We met at the White House for this incredible honoring of Black descendants of Black historical leaders. And we've stayed in close contact with, I know her daughter very intimately, Frankie, that's my niece. And she knows my son, Harlow, very intimately. That's T.T. Romy to him. And I was there at her last wedding.
Romi Marie (04:23.506)
Mm-hmm. That's your ad.
Erin Patten (04:35.567)
in October and setting up candles and dressing the part and fully supporting supportive friend. So there is certainly history and love here. And I really want to acknowledge what it took to say yes in this chapter, because we're gonna just talk about that. you could, you know, and.
Who are you right now? You know what saying? Because like, I really just want you to understand like in April 2026, like we talked about the wedding, we talked about you getting to now and that's that journey to now, but who would you say Romy is in April 2026?
Romi Marie (05:08.56)
Yeah.
Romi Marie (05:25.732)
Hmm. So it's interesting because, you know, even releasing the book and going back through all these chapters of my life, it's an interesting thing because it's a lot of inner child healing as we do these kind of this kind of work, right? And as we revisit these chapters and I'm looking at myself and all the years and I'm thinking, man, I don't know her. She's such a different girl. She's changed so much. And then there's the part of me that's like, I know her so well. You know, I know her so well. There's like this this balance of
Erin Patten (05:51.285)
Yes.
Romi Marie (05:56.15)
love and nurture for her, understanding of her and me. like, I think today with where I'm at and with the healing that I'm trying to do and the space that I'm in and what's happened over the last few years and in my entire life is that I'm her, right? I'm her, I'm all of her and all of those chapters of my life, right? But right now, if I had to
create a space for where I am at right now. I'm her falling in love with her.
Erin Patten (06:30.701)
Yes.
Romi Marie (06:32.217)
Yeah, I'm falling in love with her finally because I don't think I really knew how to love myself, right, all these years. And I don't think I really knew God's love for me. You my faith has been truly restored and stronger than ever the last year. And without God, truly, I would not be here. And without knowing that I am loved and that I am worthy and, you know, the woman at the well and that Jesus...
loves me and forgives me and that we are all humans, right? Like without having true understanding of my place spiritually, I don't think I could have figured out how to then love me because I have spent most of my life seeking that validation and that love from somebody outside of me, right? Which you cannot be complete in that, right? And I didn't know that. I didn't know that. I felt...
no matter how strong or independent, which I am, all those things, and how, you know, whatever I was and am, I think I really did think still deep down in there since I was a little girl, and that's so much of my story, is that like, that person's gonna come along and they're going to love me and they're gonna complete me and they're gonna fulfill me and I'm gonna be loved and seen and then I'm good.
Erin Patten (07:53.079)
Yeah.
Romi Marie (07:54.209)
Where is my, where is my person? If it's not in a man, maybe it's in a woman, right? Like just somebody loved me. Somebody pay attention to me and see me. But like, I didn't see me. I didn't pay attention to me. I didn't love me enough, right? And so God took me through something pretty wild these last few years, right? And as much as we can look at it,
Erin Patten (08:07.033)
That part.
Romi Marie (08:23.168)
And that's fine as failures, right? Failed marriages, failed relationships, that's fine. They are failed, fine. But man, they are lessons and they are stepping stools for me because they have launched me into a space that like without them, they served a purpose. You know what I mean? They served a very big purpose that I wish I did not have to go through to get here. I do. I do wish that I did not have to.
go through that or didn't put myself through that. But I didn't know. I didn't know.
Erin Patten (08:58.063)
100%. And I just want to say a few things to this. Thank you so much for opening with that because this is really exactly what the metaphysical spiritual journey is. And it's like a good analogy that I've came across and it's so beautiful was like, as we go through this life, we're playing hide and seek with ourselves. Like if you can imagine as a kid, you're like, know, you're like, where do you not? Here I come. And you're like, literally looking for parts of yourself as you go through
Romi Marie (09:19.307)
Yes.
Romi Marie (09:23.7)
Yeah.
Yes. Yes.
Erin Patten (09:28.047)
life and then you discover, wow, like you said, I'm really attracted to women. I'm creating these beautiful bonds of women. Okay, that was a part of me. But then I'm over here. There's another part of me that's like, wow, I really enjoy the partnership and companionship and the polarity that I have with a man. Okay, wow, that's interesting. And there's another part of you that's like, you know, I really enjoy hair. I enjoy being identity coach. Like, it's just like, there's so many parts of us that we get to explore and learn and find throughout
this journey.
Romi Marie (09:59.248)
You know, there's a part in the early part of my book that's already been released where I said it and then I was rereading it as I'm rereading these chapters, right? Because I wrote the book a few years ago, but as I'm rereading them with everybody right now, I said, you know, I just desperately wanted to feel every emotion that the human body could feel. And I think since I was a little girl, I have been one of those people.
Erin Patten (10:17.454)
guys.
Romi Marie (10:22.153)
that wants to feel all, if it's there for me to experience, for some reason, I have craved it and wanted to live it. And if there was anything that I craved more in this world, which should have been God, fine, it should have been his love, it should have been his guidance, but it was human connection in any way possible. I am just drawn to, like, depth.
Erin Patten (10:26.082)
you
Romi Marie (10:50.057)
Right? Like I just have been that way since I was a child, whether that is sexual connection, whether that is an emotional connection, whether it's a spiritual connection, whether it's a deep friendship. I love so hard. It's like insane.
Erin Patten (10:55.181)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yes.
Erin Patten (11:09.365)
And that's a gift. And also, as the human experience, the woman, the man experience, however you choose to manifest in physical form experience is a sentient experience. We are sentient beings, meaning we are beings that came here to feel. what that feeling, and feel, on top of that, feel pleasure, feel pain, feel joy, feel sadness, sorrow. We came here to feel and experience all these things. And that's the entire human experience.
Romi Marie (11:24.978)
That's yeah
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Romi Marie (11:38.792)
Girl, I have.
Erin Patten (11:40.08)
And I also want to just point out something for you and for also people who are listening, you you mentioned that some of the relationships will failures. Well, in the metaphysical world, we don't call them failures, we call them completion. So those aspects of our lives are completed, they are not failed. Like, and I literally said this in one of my reels, we don't call it a failure when the flower falls from the tree.
Romi Marie (11:55.067)
Yeah. Yeah.
Romi Marie (12:06.055)
I remember that you saying that. Yep.
Erin Patten (12:07.403)
Yeah, like the flower falls to make room for the fruit. Come on now.
Romi Marie (12:10.821)
Amen, amen. You know, and I feel that. That's why I said the world may look at it and go, my God, failure, failure, failure. But I would like to shake up the fact that, again, do I wish that I did all these things and put myself or my family or anyone through all of these things? Of course not. Of course I don't wish that upon, and I don't wish upon the pain that came with all of those things. But every time a leaf fell, something beautiful bloomed, right? And every time...
something died, something beautiful came alive and it has been this evolving thing in me and I am not afraid.
to allow things to die and have a rebirth. And I do think in a world where we are so strict on how things should look, right? I don't fit into that and I get that. But I also think there's a lot of people that are afraid to let the leaf fall and something new happen, right? They're holding on with like little root, little tiny root just hanging.
Erin Patten (13:08.955)
They holding on to that little flower, that little leaf. It's dried and dead. They still holding on.
Erin Patten (13:21.889)
Let it go.
Romi Marie (13:23.669)
trying to grow but they're hanging on because they're terrified what if something doesn't grow what's gonna come what happens if I lose that that's a part of me right like I'm complete with that and I'm out here going me and me and Jesus is really just like we're riding we are riding through life together with like you gotta go you gotta go we're gonna be okay I'll live
Erin Patten (13:28.801)
Yeah.
Yeah.
Romi Marie (13:47.746)
I'll survive and I think I've been through it enough times now, unfortunately, unfortunately, that I'm strong enough to be like, this ain't the end of the world. If you gotta go boo, you gotta go.
Erin Patten (13:58.448)
And you know me I'm quick to ride with you. I'm quick to roll up and ride with you Okay, I want you to take us back because you were the only girl among five brothers. Is that right? Okay, so you were raised by two moms to you guys I don't know if you know these things about you and then in a faith forward home So you were a church girl growing up with two moms five brothers who discovered that she was bisexual, okay?
Romi Marie (13:59.291)
Yeah, like, I'm... I'm just...
Romi Marie (14:10.408)
Yes!
Romi Marie (14:14.414)
Yes, yes. They do not.
Romi Marie (14:21.838)
Yes, yes.
Romi Marie (14:26.712)
Yes.
Erin Patten (14:28.153)
So who was Romy before the world knew her name?
Romi Marie (14:32.6)
That's what my story, Breathe Me Hot, is all about, right? Is let me take you back to the girl you have seen, you've watched in public eye or seen articles about or watched on TV. Let me show you that girl and how she got there, because you don't know, right? You don't know how someone got to where they are or why they do the things that they do. And that goes for everybody. This isn't about just me. This is a representation to all women. You don't know where that girl came from. And they came from something and something that happened.
and somewhere along their journey. like, we need to have some grace and stop judging people and ripping people apart, you know? Because we all are on some journey, whether yours is secretive or not secretive and mine is more public or not, we're all in this together. And so, Romy, me, little me, I talk about, you know, being six, being the first real big memory of me, I was raised in Anaheim, California by my grandmother.
She was a devout Catholic woman married to Jesus, right? I was raised with holy water in the halls. Jesus was staring at me like very religious. We went to a Catholic school. know, Catholic camp, Catholic church, all of this. And so she helped my mom raise me and my two younger brothers who are special needs. And my father had two older sons from his first wife. My parents divorced when I was six.
My mom was going to school, she was on welfare, she had my grandma helping while she was taking care of me and my two younger brothers, my youngest one severely on life support to live, right? And so she's like 30 years old trying to manage this by herself while my dad, God bless him, did not help her, right? She's going to school during the day, she's working at Blockbuster at night, she's on welfare and grandma's helping her keep her son alive and raise all of us.
Erin Patten (16:07.212)
Yeah.
Romi Marie (16:22.583)
Because I wasn't special needs and they were on such a survival place, I was very much overlooked very early on in my childhood because I was okay. So everyone just went, she's okay, right? And I took on the role of big sister, right? Kind of running the home, taking care of the boys, making sure everyone's good, right? With grandma. And my mom was young, we grew up together. know, 30 is young. I grew up with that woman. Like she had me when she was 20, you know?
Her and I are on a level of, watched her grow up while she's raising me, you know? And dad wasn't around much. And then I think, and I write about this and I'm fine saying it, my mother is not gay. My mother was not gay. My mother was a woman and I know you and I can relate to this and now I can look at her with a lot of empathy and love. She had three kids. She had a lot of shit men.
She was tired and she wanted her babies to survive. She met a woman who wanted to give her the world, who was a big producer, had a lot of money and loved her. And my mother took that ticket. She took that ticket. She loved her. They were like, they loved each other, right? But my mother didn't love her in a romantic way. But I get it, right? I get it. I get it. And so I didn't then, but I do now.
And so she married a woman. It was like Fresh Prince of Bel Air. I went from like my little home in Anaheim on my welfare stamps and we were like driving a Range Rover and a Jag and Pasadena in the same neighborhood that they filmed 90210 and go into Hollywood parties. And overnight, I was like 11. We were a different family. I had two moms now and we were loaded. And my mom was gay. It was just like overnight.
Like they packed up the BMW and she took us all in and we were now, you know, that family. And I wanted a family so bad, Erin, that I didn't care what it looked like. Right? I didn't care what it looked like. But my stepmother was a woman who identified more masculine, right? Strapped down the breast, dressed masculine, felt masculine. So you have to imagine a lot of the things I took in as a young girl.
Erin Patten (18:27.16)
That part, I get it.
Romi Marie (18:45.967)
were how I was being shaped in my home.
Erin Patten (18:48.628)
right, it was normalized for you.
Romi Marie (18:50.427)
It was very normalized for me. And the only relationship I ever grew up watching was a masculine woman and it meant my mother and also a very cat and mouse like relationship because my mother wasn't really sexually in love with her. And I knew that growing up. So I just never saw the dynamic of a healthy man and woman, right? That just wasn't how I was raised. And that plays a big part of, you know, obviously my development and my relationships. And then in terms of
Faith, my stepmother was from the South, was raised Bible. And she raised us, God bless her. And I'm grateful for it because I went from my grandma being Catholic to us being a religious home. I went to a private school, an Episcopalian private school. had religion and we were close to the pastor and the headmaster. Went to church every Sunday. You know, when I was struggling in high school, I went to go see my priest, know, like, Faith has, God has had his hand on me.
since I was a little girl. It's always been there for me. I mean, it's there for everybody, but it was very available in terms of my knowledge of it, right? And I'm so grateful, despite everything I've gone through, that that was a consistent factor in my life, because it stayed with me.
Erin Patten (20:10.208)
I love that. I love that. so, okay, so I'm gonna comment and then we're gonna move forward, but this is just so beautiful. Like I'm just kind of like just enraptured in the story. Because even though I know so much about you and it's just telling about how you said about how we've been covered, we've been protected at every point in our lives. Even if we feel like it was traumatic as fuck or weird as fuck or, you know, or
Romi Marie (20:15.449)
Yeah, yeah.
Romi Marie (20:36.234)
Yeah. Yes.
Erin Patten (20:39.724)
amazing. It's just like everything highs and lows. It's like, you know, one thing that was consistent for you was that that faith tradition, the connection to God, the teaching even in a home that especially in the 90s was deemed like devil worship, you know? Yeah. And so I feel
Romi Marie (20:57.328)
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We I mean, you know, I was the only home that had two moms. You know, I was the only girl that had two moms. I was that kid.
Erin Patten (21:04.95)
Yeah.
Yeah. And then so, and so when we, okay, so let's get to the real L word because I think that's also a piece, particularly where you have a lot of your followers, a lot of people who adore you are from this era of your life.
And I wanna be able to speak to those people too, because I want you to walk us through what it was like to become a public figure in your 20s. And I know people think people realize that like you are a baby, first of all, and as an openly queer Latina, which are so many labels there, and then before the culture was really ready for you.
Romi Marie (21:32.079)
Yeah.
Romi Marie (21:35.737)
Yes.
Romi Marie (21:39.24)
huh.
Romi Marie (21:45.549)
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, the part about being a Latina and me writing about it and calling it Breathe Mi Ja was because I do have a lot of identity stuff around being Mexican. I grew up with a lot of weird identity being in a white, rich world, right? Being the brown girl, being the brown girl in my mom's family, living in this whitewashed, rich area and knowing that I look different.
You know, like, I don't, I look right.
Erin Patten (22:16.416)
A little exotic because you're still half American.
Romi Marie (22:21.549)
different look and I knew like if my dad showed up they knew if you saw my dad you know like you're like that dude's gonna kill you he's a Mexican like mafia looking man so like I you know everyone other lawyer white rich dads and I'm like dude my dad is gonna kill you or sleep with your wife so you guys all need to like back the fuck up because he's not fucking around like that is my dad so I just always knew you know that I was just kind of playing the part like okay we're gonna do this I'm white girl right what I did not feel
Erin Patten (22:36.247)
Ha ha ha!
Romi Marie (22:50.742)
like I belonged. I didn't feel like the money was mine, which is why I've had such an issue with my relationship with money my whole life. It didn't feel like it was mine. I didn't feel like I belonged. And through that journey and then a lot of just really unhealthy sexual relationships and relationships with men at a young age, I was very promiscuous. I talk about that. Very promiscuous at a very young age. And then come my twenties, dad dies.
Erin Patten (22:57.784)
Mm-hmm.
Romi Marie (23:20.789)
Right? And that was the chapter I just released yesterday. My father ends up passing away. That is chapter five of the book. It is a heavy chapter. My father passes away. And I wrote in the book that when I came to visit my dad, I'll like skip to this quickly. When I came to visit my dad, the last time I saw my father, he was very sick and on drugs and he was dying. And he was yelling at me, calling me a whore.
and my mom removed me and I drove back home to San Jose where I was living and a month or two later, I get a phone call that he's dying, come home, fly on a plane, you have two hours to get here. So my last interaction with my father before I flew home to say my final goodbye to him was him screaming at me, calling me a whore. I was devastated during this period of my life. Everything felt like it was just crashing down on me. Mind you, my relationship with...
You know, James was just, he had abandoned me for the first time during this time. So a lot was happening in my life. I moved to San Francisco and I started writing about that in the chapter right now. And this will start to be what's next. Actually the next chapter in my book that's being released is about my lesbian days, right? And I cut my hair off and I decided that's it. I'm gay. That's my identity. I'm done with men. I'm done.
These women are giving me a lot of attention. They're paying attention to me. I'm new in the city. They're making me feel loved. They're making me feel special. They're safe. I don't have that much in it that I can actually get that hurt. You know? I'm in control. No one's gonna hurt me again. No one's gonna abandon me again. No one's gonna die on me. No one's gonna make me love them so hard that they destroy me. So that's filled with women.
played that for me. And I played it, and I don't mean played it like a role, I mean like I played in that part of me for a very long time because I was so hurt. I was so hurt.
Romi Marie (25:36.038)
And this is where I had found safety. And I knew it because I grew up in it. It's all I knew. So this was very familiar to me. And I had been with women off and on since I was younger in a very casual way. And so now it was, okay, this is just going to be me. This is who I am. No more men. Don't come near me. Don't look at me. Don't touch me. No, I don't want anything to do with you.
Erin Patten (26:04.365)
Mmm.
Romi Marie (26:05.768)
You know, and I started partying. My dad was dead. Jamie had left. I started partying, drinking. It was a very big scene in San Francisco at this time in 2007. I'm in my early twenties and fell in love with a girl while I was there. And this is all in the book, more detail of it, but long story short, I flew home to finally be with her, back to Los Angeles after a few years away in San Francisco. I finally went back home.
because I had left right where my dad was dying. And when I went back to LA, short hair, lesbian.
I hit up that lesbian scene real hard. You know, I was like, okay, this is who I am. I started throwing lesbian parties with my best friends. We were throwing the biggest parties. We had the biggest girl nights. were PYT and everyone in the scene at that time knew us and knew our parties. And I was the cigarette girl and I was the girl. I was dancing on tables. I was getting drunk. I was throwing the parties. I was just living this LA lesbian it girl life.
One of the main characters was starting to film The Elward and told me she was filming it. I didn't care. I just was really attracted to her and wanted to sleep with her. I didn't know, I didn't, Hollywood wasn't, it wasn't something sparkly to me, right? I've known it my whole life. It wasn't like, ooh, you're on a show. I didn't care about that. I wanted to sleep with that person. And that's what I wanted. And the camera came with her. And when the camera came with her, it found me.
I didn't audition, I didn't say pick me, I didn't say, I didn't stand in line to get on this thing, it found me. And once it found me, it found me. It found me. It found me and it became my entire public identity.
Erin Patten (27:50.935)
Yeah.
Erin Patten (27:59.3)
cool
Romi Marie (28:06.219)
And I ended up being on predominantly a good amount of the first season without being a cast member, but I was on almost every episode. And then they brought me back to the second season as a main character. And then they brought me back to the last final season, the third season as a main character.
Erin Patten (28:20.462)
Okay.
Well, you know, I think a lot of people will appreciate this because, and of course you can read more about it on Romy's Substack, which we'll clip. And you know, it's beautiful because you talk about the pain that really inspired the journey. And you know, a lot of times people don't understand that we look for love in places where we're running from pain. And so, you know, people
Romi Marie (28:51.664)
Yes. Yeah, yeah. Thank you for staying running, because in the book, that's actually what I said. I said, here I go again. I'm about to run. I have ran my whole life, Erin.
Erin Patten (28:53.57)
think that yeah looking at you this is your identity but in reality she's actually running so fast from something that nearly is you know it's killing her it's so painful and so
Erin Patten (29:12.354)
Mm-hmm.
Romi Marie (29:12.601)
When I look back and I look at, I'm running from myself. I'm running from cities. I'm running from people. I'm running from experiences. And I'm trying to, I'm trying to outrun the pain. And it, it got me. It caught up. It got me. You cannot run from all of that. No matter how hard you try, it will find you.
Erin Patten (29:15.694)
goodness.
Erin Patten (29:21.56)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Erin Patten (29:33.263)
Because it's right, we're playing hide and seek from ourselves. You can run and hide, but you can't run from yourself.
Romi Marie (29:35.524)
Work 100 % hide honey. It'll find you now and when you when it finds you For anyone listening like stop fucking running and face it now because it will find you and when it finds you when it's years of running it it finds you because I Was running from I was running from pain. I was running from my childhood. I was running from my abandonment I was running from a man ever hurting me again
Erin Patten (30:05.835)
Yeah, yeah. And I also just wanna send light to your father because I think a lot of us have daddy wounds in many different forms, or father wounds. I call him daddy. Father wounds. the men in our lives have done are doing their best. And I know your father.
Romi Marie (30:21.132)
Yeah. Yeah.
Erin Patten (30:33.641)
loves you so much and he didn't even know how to say it. You know, the words came out all the way wrong for him. And it was his anger at himself for not being able to be there for you that made him say those things.
Romi Marie (30:47.011)
100%. And I know that now, Erin, that him looking at me when he was dying, and I wrote that, he lost control and he was a man of control, right? He lost control knowing he was dying. When he saw me that final time, he knew he was losing me and he couldn't do anything in his masculine strength to stop it from happening, to protect me. No, and he completely, like a little boy, reacted to his pain.
Erin Patten (31:07.597)
to protect you and control you.
Erin Patten (31:16.98)
Yes.
Romi Marie (31:17.194)
And I can see that now and I can understand that now. And I'm gonna be honest, I love him and I forgive him and I understand him. But what ended up happening because of that type of love that I had for him was that every man after that that also was incapable of communicating or understanding themselves, I made complete excuses for.
and I held space to love them and make sure they felt seen and loved because I spent my entire life doing that with my father.
Erin Patten (31:49.039)
Yeah, you're holding the emotional way. You're holding the emotional space because you're giving them the bridge and the benefit of the doubt when they need to be meeting you. And so.
Romi Marie (31:52.289)
100 % Yes!
Yes. When in reality had he been a man that knew how to communicate with me about his fears and sadness and not projected it onto me in some horse shaming, I would have had a better understanding of how a man should talk to me when they're struggling. Instead I went, my God, you're broken. You're in pain. You want to abuse me, but I'm going to make it safe for you because I've been conditioned to do that by my father, men, fathers.
Erin Patten (32:07.159)
Yeah.
Romi Marie (32:22.933)
How you show your children, your daughters is huge on what they go out there and accept. Period. And that is what caused, yeah.
Erin Patten (32:31.352)
period, that's me. And I wanna talk about this because this is a great bridge to, okay, this was Romy in her 20s and then almost 20 years ago. What happened for you to be, know, plant-based eating, sober, you know, mommy dearest, because I know you and your mommy.
Romi Marie (32:55.231)
I'm not plant-based eating, I'm all meat. yeah, yeah, yes, yes, yes, yes.
Erin Patten (32:58.602)
I mean, I know, but you're like healthy eating, like sober, you know, like you're really, you've gone from this version of you on the cameras, obviously this reality TV version that everyone knows and loves and still knows and loves and honors. you know, talk about the journey to today and helping, and not in a way of explaining yourself because this is not about necessarily explaining your transformation
necessarily, but you know, what's the bridge between that Romi and today's Romi?
Romi Marie (33:35.464)
motherhood.
I know you know, girl, motherhood. There is one thing and one thing only that could have pulled me out of myself. And it's God, okay? It's God who pulls me out of myself and reminds me, it's my faith that I've been. So when I got pregnant with Frankie, my daughter, and when I became a mother, God showed me a miracle. He showed me how incredible I am.
Erin Patten (33:42.403)
Yes.
Romi Marie (34:07.834)
in a way that I did not know I was, right? I'm like, I'm birthing, creating like this babe, this, and now I'm keeping this baby alive. Like I am, I'm incredible. Like I didn't have an understanding of my body, right? I'm thinking it's just a sexual thing that's here for people to enjoy or whatever, but like, no, my body is like miraculous and making baby, a baby, this beautiful baby girl. And I, the minute she was born, Erin,
Erin Patten (34:30.176)
Yes.
Romi Marie (34:37.499)
I went and had her baptized. I had God back in my heart and soul. I was baptized in my early 20s. It's in the book, you know, my first marriage, my first husband, it was through the church. And then that was a long story. so anyways, fast forward to being a mom, I really restored my faith. I have never walked away from my faith, you know, in terms of really walking with God since I became a mother, because it just changed me. she, holy cow, Erin, I never knew a love.
I like whatever I had been seeking for love that you gave it was like handed to me, you know, in a way that I just did not know I was capable of loving someone so much, so hard that I would be willing to sacrifice everything for me and not be about me for her that I would give up all of it in a heartbeat and a blink of an eye for that child. And I do today and I will for the rest of my life. And she is why I don't give up. She is why I don't just run my car into a wall some days.
Right? I'm sorry, but like a lot of us moms know there are those days that you're like, Lord, I'm done. I can't do this anymore. And then I look at my child and I'm like, and you gave me her to remind me that I got to keep going. You better get up. You better do your workout. You better get that food in you. You better lift that weight girl, because you don't get to go. Sorry, you don't get to take the easy like out. She needs you show up. You're done feeling bad for yourself. And so.
Erin Patten (35:47.202)
Gotta keep going.
Erin Patten (35:55.79)
Hahaha
Erin Patten (36:00.47)
Right.
Erin Patten (36:04.492)
Right.
Romi Marie (36:05.72)
My daughter changed my life. changes my life today. And I will be completely honest, the relationships that I recently got out of are because of my daughter. She comes first. She's priority. And when it affects how I am as a mother or affects how my nervous system is for my daughter, you will go so fucking quick. Don't get it twisted. I will love you hard. I will love you well. I will love you so well that you will want to marry me, which is why most people do. Okay. I will leave if it.
how I show up for my kid. End of story. End of story. She is priority. She is my whole world. She is my everything. My everything. And I'm so lucky because she's why I will not drink. I do not drink. I am sober. I live a sober life. have. I don't do drugs, right? I don't party. haven't. I've never been like this, you know, with her. It's been years. And that is because she will not see that woman.
She will see a sober, clear-minded woman, period, end of story. She will see me get up and work out every day. She will see me work my ass off for us, right? And if she's gonna see a man in my life, she better see a man that treats me the way I want her to go out into the world and have a man treat her. End of story. She is watching me, and I know this because I was that little girl, and I watched my mom, and God bless my mom and her imperfections.
Erin Patten (37:21.048)
That part.
Romi Marie (37:31.034)
became an incredible woman even despite her fails, right? And her falls and her struggles. But our little kids are watching and they're observing and I know more than anyone the impact it will have in every part of our life. That I overly, even though I fail and we all do and I mess up and I apologize and I own it, she's watching me. And if I can show her anything, it is that we have God. Her and I are praying every night. We have God. I have helped.
Erin Patten (37:43.438)
Mm.
Romi Marie (38:00.697)
create a beautiful faith for my daughter, right? She knows I don't drink. She knows I eat very healthy, you know, and that is because I need to be around for a long time for my little girl. And so my health, mentally, physically, and spiritually is so that I can be that for her. And when life throws us heavy, hard things, and it is, Erin, so that I am equipped to be there for her, period.
Erin Patten (38:26.271)
Mm-hmm, period. I love that. And it's just like the motherhood, and I think a lot of women, wherever you are, whether you're lesbian, queer, or on the other side, then it's like...
The motherhood transforms, the fatherhood transforms because we are realizing that we're living for something greater. It really helps create that purposeful life, that purposeful living. And I think that's what a lot of times we're searching for, you know, when we're...
Romi Marie (38:55.562)
Yes.
Erin Patten (39:01.405)
wanting that love from the outside, or wanting that love from someone else. It's like, we just want to have purpose. Like we want to feel like we deserve to be here for some reason. Like there needs to be a reason for all of this. And she's your wife. I love that. And you know, I want to start talking about, you know, getting into the the mens' and you know, we have this 20 plus year friendship that you've had with James and I actually got a chance to meet him. That's how I know Romy.
Romi Marie (39:03.072)
Yeah. Yeah.
Romi Marie (39:11.288)
She's my wife. She's my wife.
Romi Marie (39:20.888)
Mm-hmm.
Romi Marie (39:29.88)
How we met.
Erin Patten (39:31.784)
is that I met him through an organization that I was working with based out in LA and was working with him on child trafficking issues and got to know him intimately and personally and then got a chance to meet Romy through him. And so this is not a bashing scene. This is not talking bad about nobody, because I personally know this gentleman as well. And you've had this friendship with James and essentially,
Romi Marie (39:51.422)
No, no, no, thank you.
Erin Patten (40:00.992)
the the Jolie Voight family for a long time and I want you to really talk about what this relationship has taught you about not just the friendship, the relationship, about love, about fame, and the difference between being chosen, you know, and also being collected, like feeling like you're just like a, you know, like a trophy.
Romi Marie (40:06.153)
Okay.
Erin Patten (40:29.005)
And I feel like 20 years is a long time. And I felt that energy off of you guys. It was like you guys were two peas in a pod. was... And we actually, I have to just tell, and I guess it's my show so I can talk. We were so happy for James when we met you because it seemed like even he was happier. Even he felt...
Romi Marie (40:39.528)
Yeah, yes.
Erin Patten (40:57.881)
you can see his light beaming brighter with you. Like I remember we were taking selfies together. We were all so happy to be together. And I got chills. I'm literally getting goosebumps as I'm talking because this is just, I never even thought about these things till now. But I...
Romi Marie (41:04.778)
We cry, Erin.
Erin Patten (41:17.921)
I just had to say that because maybe he'll hear this one day, hopefully he does, but I feel like people are brought in our lives, of course, for reasons and seasons, and you guys were together for a long season, and we can't ever control other people's decisions or their lifestyles or what they choose, and we know that's his path, and he's doing his best, but while he was there, obviously you learned a lot from each other, and I just would love for you just to speak to that a little bit, and then we can kind
Romi Marie (41:37.669)
now.
Erin Patten (41:47.855)
I go into the other pieces.
Romi Marie (41:51.002)
Um, do you know, it's just like, thank you for saying that because it is just a true, like his mother, you know, his mother would call us Peter Pan and Tink, right? And, she was, yeah, she would just say, we were like these little lost kids in Neverland that just played and were childlike. And, and, and as I was doing a lot of this work, I thought about him and I, and, know, we met when I was 20 and he was 30. I'm 44 now. It's been a very, half my life with this man, right?
Erin Patten (42:01.383)
You were thinker bell, yeah.
Romi Marie (42:18.941)
half my life of a lot of love and friendship and family and.
Romi Marie (42:28.303)
We were just like, we were the most connected two human beings for most of my life. We just had this very magical childlike love and acceptance of one another. It didn't really matter our sexual orientation at any point in our relationship, at any season of our relationship. It wasn't about really who loved who or what. It was we loved each other.
And whatever that love was, it was bigger than any kind of label or identity. And it was my first love. You know, it was my first big love. And he, you know, abandoned me very brutally multiple times throughout those years. And there was a lot of forgiveness and healing. And I'll say this. Looking back now, we both had so much healing we needed to do and he needs to do and I need to do. And we wanted to be
loved and seeing both of us. And we wanted to be children because we grew up so fast. And we were used to taking care of our family and taking care of ourselves and being the oldest. And we lost being innocent kids. And we found that in one another.
Romi Marie (43:47.025)
And that's what it felt like. felt like we were just these like, you know, and we just loved each other so much and.
Romi Marie (43:57.041)
When we got married, you know, and it's out there for everyone to view, right? It made papers, it was private. We didn't share it. It was completely private. It was his father, me, my mom, my brother and him in Laguna, which was our spot, our place growing up. When we were 20, we walked down that beach and talked about our kid we were gonna have one day and the life we were gonna make. I was 20 years old and we did that in Laguna Beach and then.
know, fast forward 20 years later, we're getting married on that beach privately. And I'm thinking, I'm just bawling in the video, like, because I'm thinking it's full circle. This is it. This is my best friend. This is my, my person, whether it's a romantic level like that. I didn't need that. Whether he was this or I was that, it didn't matter. It just meant like we're committed to like, you know, just being there for one another.
Romi Marie (44:57.098)
And
Romi Marie (45:01.091)
That night of the wedding, it was very clear to me that there were different motives behind his reason for marrying me. And I looked him in the eye in his living room in our house and I said, you've been lying to me. And he said, yeah.
Erin Patten (45:17.933)
you
Romi Marie (45:21.399)
and I flew home and I...
Romi Marie (45:25.901)
and I asked for an annulment.
Romi Marie (45:31.693)
And it felt like.
Romi Marie (45:37.135)
I'm still not obviously healed through this, right? So I'm back in therapy with a Christian male therapist. And he recently told me as we were going through my book over the last year, you know, said, I don't think you've really dealt with this. And I said, of course I haven't. I was just, of course I haven't. No, I haven't. And I don't want to, you know? And he was like, honey, this is where we need to, this is it. This is where we need to work. And I said, okay. And so it was like two weeks ago, we brought him up and we went there.
you know, and
Romi Marie (46:13.079)
I don't have it in my heart, Erin, to ever hate anyone. I don't have it in my heart. There are times I'll scream, I hate him, I hate him, I hate him. We say that stuff, right? I hate him because we hate the pain.
Erin Patten (46:27.175)
Yeah, and it's part of the grieving process, you know? Yeah, you gotta go through the anger, the frustration, the hate, you all of it.
Romi Marie (46:29.92)
It is!
Romi Marie (46:33.515)
Yeah, it's, yeah. Yeah, he disappears on me and he has since I was a little girl and he did again. He disappeared. He disappeared on me. He went away. He just went away. And this time, you know, it just was, it was the last time.
Erin Patten (47:00.523)
Yeah, it was complete. The cycle was complete.
Romi Marie (47:02.305)
It was complete. It was complete. The cycle was complete. I just...
Romi Marie (47:11.839)
Yeah, I don't ever want to take away. thank you. And I'll just say that I don't ever want to take away for what was there that was magical because somewhere in that was real.
Erin Patten (47:21.888)
Absolutely real. It's just a version of you that you've outgrown. Yeah, so that version of you is, you know, she still honors that little girl, but she's a grown ass woman. Yeah, integrated adult. Yeah.
Romi Marie (47:23.447)
Yeah.
100%.
Romi Marie (47:33.389)
She's a grown ass woman and at some point enough is enough, know, enough is enough. And there are only so many times until it's like, it's on you now boo, stop forgiving, stop opening that door. When do you get, when you can start it, right? It's on you. It's not on anyone else. It's not their fault. It's your fucking fault, Romy, you know?
Erin Patten (47:47.509)
Yeah.
Erin Patten (47:51.511)
Yeah.
Erin Patten (47:55.854)
Yeah, you gotta take the accountability.
Romi Marie (47:58.795)
100 % and...
Erin Patten (47:59.562)
And I feel that for you, and I really am just so honored to be able to witness you in this journey of going through really hard things because that level of love and commitment and history, and then on top of that layer, the fame and the shared experiences and the desire to want to be held and seen on larger stages together. Like you have all these amazing dreams.
Romi Marie (48:27.572)
We had all these plans. had all, you know that if you were there, had all this stuff we were working on and all these beautiful things we would have done and could have done together. And for whatever that reason may be and.
Erin Patten (48:29.408)
Yeah.
Romi Marie (48:43.626)
It just wasn't supposed to happen, right? It just wasn't supposed to happen that way.
Erin Patten (48:46.187)
Yeah, not in that way. And that's why I'm so, you know, I'm so appreciating being part of this journey with you is because you do not abandon those dreams. You know, they just take higher forms because you are doing the work. So now you're going to be able to have those dreams, but in the healed version of you, the fully healed, complete, completed embodied version of you.
Romi Marie (48:56.394)
Mm-hmm.
Romi Marie (49:09.47)
think the biggest thing that I'm learning right now, honestly, is that I don't need anyone to do those dreams with. I don't need anyone to hold my hand and make me feel safe while I do those dreams. I don't need anyone. have Jesus, I have God, and He is the closest thing to peace and okayness I have ever felt in my entire life. So as I'm putting myself out here right now to go after those dreams and not give up on them for anyone,
Erin Patten (49:23.445)
Yes.
Romi Marie (49:38.439)
I'm asking God to just stay with me and hold me tight, right? And that I am me, Romie Marie, Mondre, Romie, by myself, all alone doing this. I don't need a man. And if one shows up miraculously at my door because Jesus walked him to the front door to be that for me, you know, I don't need that to do the dreams that I have had and show my daughter that I can do them. And I think I thought I needed.
Erin Patten (49:41.825)
May.
Erin Patten (49:56.481)
Yeah.
Erin Patten (50:05.452)
Bad part.
Yeah, 100%.
Romi Marie (50:09.554)
that. And I think it's beautiful to have that. Let me just put that out there. think women and men and relationships, whoever, men, women, whatever, I don't care your preference. just think partnership and community is biblical. I think it is a part of who we are. So I'm not saying I'm an independent woman. I don't need a man, which I am an independent woman and I don't need a man, but I am an independent woman who desires a strong man and will always be open to one. What I am not
is going to be so broken that I allow more broken men in. You know?
Erin Patten (50:42.059)
That part. Yes. So when you're reaching for your dreams or when you're walking towards your dreams in this embodied, fully healed version of yourself, then you're able to attract someone who can meet you there.
and not someone who has to, know, or can continue to build with you. And I believe that's the beauty in this journey is that you want someone who can walk in purpose with you. And when you're still figuring out who you are and finding who you are, it's really hard to align with someone who can do that. So I really.
Romi Marie (51:15.64)
Erin, I don't even know, know, I've putting my story out there the way that I have and sharing what I have shared about myself. I'll be honest, I know most women would never share these things, not in a relationship, not with a friend, and not even say them out loud, maybe into a therapist, right? Like I get how we like to put ourselves together in the world, right? I lay it out there. And so any, and I knew doing that, any man,
Erin Patten (51:35.072)
Yeah.
Romi Marie (51:44.153)
who is about to even understand the depth of what I put out there, that is a strong, secure human being that is going to be able to read this, take this, and go, I wanna love that.
Erin Patten (51:55.168)
you
Erin Patten (52:01.474)
Yeah.
It's really that simple. I mean, I can do it. He can do it. You know what saying? Like, it's just like, so you really have to trust that, you know, like, I mean, I can sit here and witness you and hold space for you. And it's just like, girl, OK, like, what we doing next? So it's just like, you know, it's so past tense. It's like who it's like so past tense.
Romi Marie (52:05.89)
It's really that simple!
Romi Marie (52:24.579)
Yeah, yeah. But there's such a shame. There's such a shame around women, you know, one sexually and marriages and failed. It's like my friend called me the poor Elizabeth Taylor, you know. Listen, where where?
Erin Patten (52:38.029)
Where are the diamonds? I need the diamonds!
This would be so much better with diamonds, okay?
Romi Marie (52:45.071)
Cheers!
Romi Marie (52:54.811)
I'm here and I'm not going to close my heart off to miracles. And the man that comes for me would be a full blown like if you don't believe in Jesus, you will after if I tell you that a man came in and loved me completely for who I am showed up for me, held space for me and my daughter. When that happens, I will share my testimony.
Erin Patten (53:10.741)
Yeah. Yeah.
Romi Marie (53:16.897)
because may it give every woman hope because good luck.
Erin Patten (53:19.819)
yeah, yeah, and we all have our story to tell. Please don't sit here and think that, mm-mm. And so,
Romi Marie (53:24.285)
Everyone, everyone has. Every girl is writing me right now, Erin, on social media and through my Substack book, and they're saying, I connect with this, I relate to this, I went through this, and I'm sitting here talking to God going, this story is not some story that I'm putting out there that's going, my God, look what happened to me. This story is every woman out there, every little girl out there, and there is a chapter or a part that I am seeing, and I know why God put it on my heart to put it out there, because they're going,
I'm not alone. That secret I lived with, that secret I felt, she's saying it for me.
Erin Patten (53:55.17)
Yes.
Erin Patten (53:59.554)
that part. Because, and this is how collective consciousness works and collective healing works is that this is your journey and you're going through it and the way that you alchemize it and heal from it essentially heals it for the world. Just like how you speak a lot about Jesus and you know I refer to him as Yeshua ben Joseph, you know that Jesus went and died on a cross so that nobody really has to go and like die on a fucking cross.
Romi Marie (54:14.229)
Amen.
Yes.
Romi Marie (54:20.291)
Mm-hmm.
Romi Marie (54:27.255)
Carry that. We don't have to carry that.
Erin Patten (54:29.661)
That was that was his path, you know So this but that that path for him created this incredible healing journey for what has been to millennia
You know, where people are still healing from this man's journey and choices. So imagine this is the same for us and our walk. And I'm speaking, yes, I'm comparing our walk to a Jesus walk because that's what the Christ consciousness path is that we speak to and that we're on. And we are walking our unique paths in Christ consciousness so that we can create collective healing for the world. People won't have to go through what Romy has to go through. People won't have to go through what Aaron Patton goes through.
Romi Marie (55:03.467)
No!
don't, right? I hope they don't. I hope we can speak enough on it to go. And that is, I'll tell you, Erin, the purpose of the end of this book was it is faith-based. And trust me, it is faith-based. I don't want to, don't get it twisted. Yes, there are sex, drugs and rock and roll, right? But it is driven by my faith and it is only in Christ I am saved. And so all those readers who are reading it, who are going down this wild journey are going to see, right?
Erin Patten (55:09.783)
Yeah.
Romi Marie (55:37.921)
what I'm talking about in my faith through this journey. And I know if there is any message that God has put on my heart to share with any woman or any girl or any man reading this about the woman he loves or his daughter, right? And they should read it. Men should read this, okay? Is that we are not one walking shameful pieces of crap that need to hide who we are. Jesus died for us, honey. He died, it's done. It's been done. It's been done.
We are forgiven. We are the woman at the well in the Bible. We are the woman there that watched when he was risen. Like we are a part of that story, right? All of us, okay? And no one is better or bigger or better than anybody else with their story, okay? But this seeking of the world that we are so hungry for, whether it's in social media or it's in the TV or if it's in sex or love or addiction or all the things that we are struggling as you will not find what you are looking for.
Erin Patten (56:13.644)
you
Erin Patten (56:19.489)
Mm-hmm.
Romi Marie (56:36.166)
if you do not find it in your faith, right? If you do not find it for me and Christ, right? And for anyone out there, it is a spiritual level that you're gonna need to tap into and that you're gonna need to find that self-love with. And that comes for me from Jesus. And if there is any message that anyone is left with at the end of this is that she looked everywhere, legitimately everywhere that the world had and she was left with nothing until she found.
her love in Christ. Like keep looking guys, keep seeking it and that journey will teach you a lot and it will grow and it'll be beautiful and it's part of living and it's a part of life. I don't want to say it's not because it's beautiful, right? And all of the exploring that God gives us in this world is beautiful to be lived, right? But without the pain, without the hard, you're not going to seek something higher than yourself.
Erin Patten (57:25.992)
that part.
Romi Marie (57:35.794)
So he put me through hard, right? I put me through hard. And I'll be honest with you, even just recently, and I'll share this, I'm so close to God when it's so hard because it's been so hard that I'm almost scared to have a good day. I'm almost scared to enjoy my life again because I don't want it to pull me away from Him.
Erin Patten (57:39.724)
Yeah.
Erin Patten (57:59.402)
And that is the, I'm so glad you're sharing this because this is where a lot of women sit is that we get so comfortable in the fear-based thinking, in the anxiety that when it's time to enjoy and relax and really play fun and love that which God calls us to do, it feels wrong.
Romi Marie (58:21.892)
Yes. It feels wrong.
Erin Patten (58:25.517)
And that's, this, so this is actually what my goals are day to day. Like it used to be like make a lot of money or my business goals are, but now the goal is like heaven on earth. And then what is heaven on earth? Play, fun and love.
Romi Marie (58:32.378)
Yeah, yeah.
Romi Marie (58:37.071)
Amen, amen!
Yeah. Yeah.
Erin Patten (58:42.337)
Be like a child, God says, be like a child. When we look at our children, they have no care in the world. Actually, they can care if they eat crackers for dinner. They don't care. Or if they have to take a bath, they don't care. If they sleep outside in a tent, even better. So it's just like, we really ruminate and fear the worst when in reality there should be more and more surrender, more and more trust in what God has for us.
Romi Marie (58:49.788)
Yes.
Romi Marie (58:59.793)
You know what?
Erin Patten (59:12.271)
and trust that we can enjoy that journey. We can have fun in that journey and love in that journey, the unfolding of it.
Romi Marie (59:21.155)
playing my music and it's just Frankie and I and it's been just I for her and I for a while, predominantly the last like few years honestly. But it's really just her and I right now. It's really beautiful and I'm a very goofy, silly person. I always have been. I'm extremely goofy and in the pain that I've been through over the last few years and especially the last year, I kind of lost her, you know, and recently
We've just been in the house, Erin, and I've just been so stupid and silly with her and goofy and cracking her up, and we're blasting music, and it's just her and I, and we're having a fresh start. moving next week into a new place together, and it's a fresh start for her and I, but I'm like, I need her to know that I'm having fun, that I'm laughing with her, that we're laughing, that mama's not stressed out and struggling and surviving every day. So at some point, I had to look myself in the mirror just recently, like this week, and go,
She's watching. Live. Have fun. Laugh. Let her ex- Yeah, I'm here.
Erin Patten (01:00:25.857)
Yes, yes, because you are here. And also remembering, and this is just on my heart to say, like the daily bread, I have enough for today.
Romi Marie (01:00:37.69)
I'm even kidding, every day, and her and on my prayer every single night. Thank you Lord for making, waking us up. Thank you for putting us to bed healthy. Thank you for the roof over our head and the food we eat. And I mean, I keep it so simple on a daily basis just to get by the day to days right now. I am on the like, we're in this, we're in this moment today and today I'm alive and we're good. We got a roof. Like it's at that level, right? And it's funny cause she said to me the night we were saying a prayer and she goes, you know, mommy, are you struggling? Is it hard? Cause you prayed for like,
Erin Patten (01:00:52.651)
Yeah, I already know.
Romi Marie (01:01:06.893)
the success of this or this and that. And I said, baby, do you think we're struggling? And she was like, no. I go, we have more than enough. We have more than that. Girl, we're laying here in a bed together holding one another with a roof over our head. We just had a good dinner. We have Jesus. What are you talking about? We are abundantly living. I'm just asking God for more because he asked me to ask him for more because he can give me more. So don't stop asking him for more and don't stop asking him for miracles. I'm gonna raise you when you pray, walk on water.
Erin Patten (01:01:12.874)
Agreed.
Erin Patten (01:01:27.435)
Yes.
Romi Marie (01:01:36.76)
kind of prayers, you know? Like I want my little girl going into the world knowing my mama taught me that when I tell Jesus I want this, that that can actually happen. Not some fear-based like I just gonna pray for just enough or what seems realistic, none of that. None of that.
Erin Patten (01:01:54.026)
Yes. And so now I want to move into like some lightning round questions because we kind of got way off. But I want to say, you know, since we already talking about Frankie, I thought this was a really cute question. What's the best advice that Frankie has ever given you?
Romi Marie (01:01:57.88)
Yes.
Romi Marie (01:02:11.896)
That girl's so smart. She is so good. She is so, so smart. I know she said something this week that said something to me. Gosh. You know, it's funny because my book is called Breathe Me, huh? It's about taking a big deep breath. It's going to be okay, daughter, right? It's about God telling me breathe. It's about my mom telling me, baby, take a breath, right? And I took all this breath work class and I'm big on breath work. I am big on it. And so when Frankie was little,
Erin Patten (01:02:31.991)
Yeah.
Romi Marie (01:02:40.436)
started to teach her how to do breath work. When she has anxiety, we do breath work together. And so this week I was doing something or whatever it may, and she just looked at me and she goes, mommy, you need to do some breath work. You need to breathe. And I was like.
You're right. You're right. I go, ain't wrong. So I just, thought she just checked me. Like she was like, what are you, like, what are you doing? Take some breaths. Calm down. And I was just like, yeah. And then the other thing she said to me, my God, but this last breakup, she looked at me and said, you got a bad picker. You got a bad picker, mom.
Erin Patten (01:02:53.77)
You right.
Erin Patten (01:03:04.642)
Yeah.
Romi Marie (01:03:16.445)
And I said, you know, boo, you're right. I do have a bad picker. And we had a big conversation. said, listen, mama has not done well in picking the right men for us. But let me teach you this. If there is anything you learn from this, if I can take any lemon and make it lemonade, right? It is that we do not settle for anything less than we deserve. And I will not. And I will not show you that I do that. If somebody does not see that we are a full on package and they scored getting you and I.
Erin Patten (01:03:36.289)
That's hard.
Yes.
Romi Marie (01:03:45.723)
then they can keep going.
Erin Patten (01:03:47.915)
I love that.
Romi Marie (01:03:49.139)
And she said, you know, the next person, if there is a next person, y'all, because who even knows? She said, they better. OK, for that next person, she said, mama, they can't drink smoke and they got to go to church with us on Sunday. And I said, honey, you're calling the shots. You're calling the shots. I'll let you meet him. You interview him and you tell me if he's a man of God for us or not. And if not, next, next.
Erin Patten (01:03:54.347)
Yes, there's a next person.
Erin Patten (01:04:04.385)
Hahaha!
Erin Patten (01:04:12.585)
Next. Absolutely. I love that. Okay, so what's what's the book on your nightstand and not the one that you're writing?
Romi Marie (01:04:17.812)
Yeah.
Romi Marie (01:04:23.474)
Right now I'm reading Free Me From Me and it is from Ryan. He is a pastor at my church at Red Rock and it's Free Me From Me and the irony of it is that I'm reading about freeing myself from all the focus of me, me, me, me, me in a world that is me, me, me, me, me as I'm writing and releasing a book that is about me, me, me, me, me. It's this beautiful thing of I'm like releasing chapters every week of my book that is about me.
Erin Patten (01:04:42.674)
Yeah.
Romi Marie (01:04:52.071)
Right. And I'm reading this book from my pastor about freeing myself from me. Right. And instead of having a me centered life, I am having a God centered life. And it is a beautiful balance. And I think perfectly aligned with the time of me releasing this book so that I don't lose myself every week right now as I release my book being completely consumed in me. Right.
Erin Patten (01:05:16.065)
Yeah.
Romi Marie (01:05:17.125)
God, I think, gave me this book right now to say, as you do this and you're so wrapped up in sharing you, remember that I am the center. It is not you, Through you.
Erin Patten (01:05:25.707)
Mm-hmm. And the expression through you. Yes. So what's a ritual? And I feel like I already know the answer because you just said it, but what's a ritual that's saving you right now?
Romi Marie (01:05:37.351)
Breath work, prayer and fitness. You know this girl, the games. That's it, yes.
Erin Patten (01:05:42.113)
Yeah, breath work, prayer and fitness. I love that. And then, okay, so this is perfect because you're talking about you and Frankie dancing. So what's the song you play when you need to remember who you are?
Romi Marie (01:05:54.681)
is left it in the river. So I can't remember who sings it, but we've been blasting it right now. We've been blasting it. It's like, it in the river. She's like, I left my shame in the river. And she's like screaming and yelling. It's just like worship song. And it's about like, I left it in the river. Like I left it when Jesus baptized me. I left that shame. I left that. And we blast it. We blast it. And then we blast Anne Wilson's Jesus.
Erin Patten (01:06:01.486)
Where did it go?
Erin Patten (01:06:07.693)
Okay. Okay, okay.
Erin Patten (01:06:16.589)
Okay. I love that.
Romi Marie (01:06:23.288)
and Frankie sings every, we're just blasting this, we're just singing our Jesus right now.
Erin Patten (01:06:27.893)
I love it. Praise all day every day. Okay. Okay. So what's one thing you would tell every woman before she says yes to a proposal? I thought these would be good.
Romi Marie (01:06:29.508)
Because it reminds me. Yeah, it reminds me.
Romi Marie (01:06:48.172)
I said yes many times. What should I thought of before I said yes to all them marriages? I will be completely honest that like you got to get to know them. You got to get to know them. That immediate dopamine fix of love that feels so good. You do not know someone until you have been through hard things with someone and you see how they show up for you in the hardest parts.
Please do not say yes until you have struggled and that is where you are showing your partner. If it is glitz glam and easy and you're running into it and you haven't had hard conversations about finances, sex, history, shame, faith, parenthood, you got no business saying yes. It will show up, it will haunt you and it will completely destroy you.
And I led with love. I led with heart. I led with attraction. And I thought all that stuff will find its way because we love each other so much it'll all work out, right? We'll figure out a way to make all that work. And what happened was the attraction kind of is, you know, dies down. The love's kind of not as fun. And then you're looking at each other going, we don't really agree on shit.
Romi Marie (01:08:09.954)
How'd we get here? we didn't talk about any of that.
my advice.
Erin Patten (01:08:19.757)
That's some good ass advice. She a pro, okay? She a pro. I ain't never been married. So one thing you would tell every woman before she walks away from a marriage.
Romi Marie (01:08:21.902)
Take it from a professional marrier, okay? She a pro, a pro.
Romi Marie (01:08:35.084)
Oof.
Romi Marie (01:08:40.782)
Stop caring about what everybody thinks about you. Stop hanging on for the wrong reasons and stop thinking about what your mother, your father, your best friend, your church, your kid. Stop caring about what everybody thinks about you. If you know that you need to leave for the right reasons, and I'm not here promoting divorce because I wish it never had to be something that happened, but unfortunately we live in a society where we are there and abuse is there and we don't deserve that life, okay?
If it is best for you to leave, for you, you are a better mom, a better friend, a better human being, a better daughter, all of the things, a better employee, when you do that, stop justifying it for everyone. It does not matter what anyone thinks.
Erin Patten (01:09:25.869)
Mm-hmm. That's so good. That is so good. Okay, finish this sentence. Love for me right now is.
Romi Marie (01:09:28.493)
Yeah.
Romi Marie (01:09:40.522)
Love for me right now is my daughter in Jesus.
Erin Patten (01:09:45.505)
That about sums it up.
Romi Marie (01:09:46.752)
That sums it up, girl. That's what's happening over here.
Erin Patten (01:09:49.677)
Yeah, Frankie and God.
Romi Marie (01:09:52.022)
That's it. That's it.
Erin Patten (01:09:55.094)
I love that.
Romi Marie (01:09:56.288)
Yeah, that's where that's where I take my big deep breath.
Erin Patten (01:09:58.382)
Hello guys, I'm just got goosebumps this whole conversation. I am again so honored and so appreciating you, Romy Marie for being here on the Metaphysis Millennial podcast. I just continue to be in awe of your tenacity, of your courage, of your resilience, of your dedication, of your devotion.
Romi Marie (01:10:06.656)
love you.
Romi Marie (01:10:12.118)
Thank you.
Erin Patten (01:10:26.987)
to friendship, you guys, she goes through all she goes through and she still texts me and sends me Bible verses and checks on me and asks me about my son while she's going through hell. Okay. This woman is not playing when she says she loves big and she loves hard. And I want nothing but the world for her.
Romi Marie (01:10:52.822)
Thank you.
Erin Patten (01:10:53.077)
And this is why I wanted to give her this space to share her truth because she has been hiding from so many, for so many reasons. And like we talked about the game earlier, the hiding seat game, now she's hiding herself and it's like, I don't have anywhere else to hide. I'm all here.
Romi Marie (01:10:55.436)
Thank you.
Romi Marie (01:11:07.069)
Yeah.
Romi Marie (01:11:12.297)
Mm-mm.
Romi Marie (01:11:15.786)
Erin, I love you so much. I really do. It means the world to me for you to have me on here. And it means the world for me, for my girls, my friends, right? That see me and love me and have been here through with me. I will always check on you. Life gets busy and we all are going through really heavy things, right? And we're busy and we're trying to survive some days. And it does, it catches me sometimes where I just want to text you and be like, Hey, I love you. Like, are you good? You let me update you. Like, what are you good? Right? And I get to watch you and your son on your journey and I keep you in my prayers and
Erin Patten (01:11:40.173)
Mm-hmm.
Romi Marie (01:11:45.236)
There's no expectation from one of us, you know, with each other and you've always been really good about being like, I know you're going through it, you're there, I love you, we'll see each other when we see each other, you know? And that's the best kind of friendship that we all kind of need sometimes at this age, at this stage in our lives, you know?
Erin Patten (01:12:00.672)
Yeah, because we just really are dealing with so much. It's like I barely show up for myself.
Romi Marie (01:12:03.882)
So much, it's girl, same, same. And so you get it, right? And so it's just those simple things of going, I love you. And when I love, it is true. Like with my friends, I love my friends hard. I love my friends real hard. I love my daughter real hard. I don't ever want that to be broken. I don't wanna ever get that. And you said it and you nailed it.
Erin Patten (01:12:17.026)
Mm-hmm.
Romi Marie (01:12:33.994)
I can't hide anymore and I'm not. I got nothing to hide now. I got nothing to hide. I'm not hiding anything. I don't want to hide. I have nothing to hide.
Erin Patten (01:12:39.557)
Nothing to hide. So when you get to that place, those who are listening, if you made it this far, if you made it this far, I think a good takeaway is that like you have nothing to hide. You can be your fullest self and your fullest expression always. And actually that's exactly why you came into this body on this planet in this day and time.
Romi Marie (01:12:47.176)
I know, they checked out five minutes in.
Romi Marie (01:13:05.703)
Amen. Amen, period, end of story. If that is the message we put out there, Aaron, that is all. If you fast forwarded all way to the very end, and that's all you took away from this, it is exactly that, and that is what I hope my book lets the reader walk away with. Like, I don't need to, what am I hiding? Who am I, what? God sees all of it, he knows he loves me. I ain't hiding from him, he knows. He knows what I've done. So your little silly opinions.
Erin Patten (01:13:14.477)
you
Erin Patten (01:13:26.413)
Hey, ain't no place to hide.
Romi Marie (01:13:37.275)
They don't matter. Yeah. Amen. Here's my Hailey, my Hailey Bieber.
Erin Patten (01:13:37.293)
We love you, but no thanks. We love you, but no thanks. You can keep it. So I want you to be able to direct listeners to what are you doing right now because, yeah.
Romi Marie (01:13:48.581)
Yeah. Okay. So right now I am back to having my coaching side up. MadreRomi.com is where you can go to book a coaching session with me. I am coaching my clients. I've stayed consistent with that. Although I deleted my Instagram and went away for the last year, I have been still coaching clients and now I'm really putting myself back out there and open and pray that the book brings more people that feel comfortable to, you know, want to do coaching with me. And obviously I'm not coaching you to say, Hey, I have it all together. Like, let me tell you how to do your life. I'm coaching you to hold a space.
for you to figure out how to find out what you want for your life. I'm just giving you a safe space. That is the gift that God has given me. And that is what our sessions look like. Okay. It's not me telling you, I got it figured out and I'm about to give you a great plan. No, but if you need someone that isn't in your, yeah, but I mean, but I'm.
Erin Patten (01:14:31.265)
But she likely will give you a great place.
Romi Marie (01:14:36.677)
but that's not what our space is for. It's to hold space for you. That you might not feel safe in your home or your relationship or your friends or your family. And you might need a stranger that you go, she might hold some space for me to like get in touch with myself. And that's what I wanna do for you. That's what I do. And so madriaromy.com for coaching. And my book is on sub stack right now. The subscription started yesterday. There is a full circle subscription. So those who are involved in that will get a hard copy by the end of the book.
Erin Patten (01:14:38.988)
Yeah.
Romi Marie (01:15:06.095)
with some merch and they can go on there and chat with me and communicate with me through the Substacks, through the chapters. I am now reading it in my own voice. So if you're an audio person, you can also listen to it. I read the chapters now, so there's that option. Substacks really beautiful and having the control and releasing it weekly has been really powerful and beautiful until the full thing is complete.
put together in a hard copy for my subscribers. But I feel like I'm also putting up images throughout the book with each chapter so you can visually see what I'm writing about. And it just feels like I'm taking the reader on a journey and really making it come to life for them. And I think that that's really cool that we have the technology now to do that. And I don't need to hand my life over to an editor.
to ghostwrite me and decide what they think would sell and sexualize me and tell me the parts that they think would be really good for the reader, I don't want you to do that. And that was where it felt like it was going.
Erin Patten (01:16:05.986)
my God, that's so good. So good.
Romi Marie (01:16:07.575)
So it's on Substack. Substack, Romy, Marie, you can subscribe. There's five chapters up and every Wednesday morning a new chapter goes up.
Erin Patten (01:16:17.495)
Perfect. Perfect subject.
Romi Marie (01:16:18.848)
And my Instagram is romeyheronbeauty underscore, so my link is on there.
Erin Patten (01:16:24.627)
Awesome. Perfect.
Great, so you have an opportunity to connect with Romy in Identity Coaching. You have an opportunity to learn more about her story on her sub stack and also of course on Instagram, you'll find her. And I wanna also direct all of you to my social media. I'm across social media at I am Erin Patton. You can also work with me in my Divine Mentorship Program on my website, erinpatten.com. And of course you can catch the Meta Business Millennial podcast.
Romi Marie (01:16:48.875)
Yeah
Erin Patten (01:16:55.255)
wherever you listen to your podcast and on YouTube. And this just concludes a fantastic, phenomenal, fantabulous episode with my bestie and my sister, Romy Murray. And I just want to leave all of you all in so much joy and love and peace.
Romi Marie (01:17:01.5)
Thank you.
I love you.
Erin Patten (01:17:16.394)
Bye!
Romi Marie (01:17:18.21)
Yeah.