Erin Patten (00:00)
There's a version of you that you buried to survive. Maybe it was your accent, your laugh, your curly hair, the neighborhood you stopped mentioning, the way you talked at home versus the way you talked at work. And it worked. You got the degree, the title, the business, the rooms, but somewhere along the way, you started to feel like a stranger in your own success. So this season, we're digging her up.
Erin Patten (00:29)
Welcome back to the Meta Business Millennial. I am Erin Patton and Soul Sisters, it is Scorpio season. And Scorpio teaches us something most of us avoid. Rebirth and revelation always requires a death. And last week we talked about how private is not the same as hidden. And today I want to talk about what you hid so well that even you forgot she was there. And by the end of this episode, you're going to know who she was.
Erin Patten (00:58)
What hiding her has cost you and how to bring her back without burning your life down. Okay? And this is so personal to me because I am a Sun and Scorpio, and Scorpio season has always been very powerful and meaningful to me because my birthday is November 20th. And not only do I have my Sun and Scorpio, I have my Pluto, my Saturn, my midheaven.
Erin Patten (01:24)
So, so much in my South Note, so so much of my life has been about mastering Scorpio. And this season is all about that Scorpio death, rebirth, going into the underworld. This is what this Venus retrograde is about, too. And I'm talking so much about the astrology because I've been studying it so much myself and really just trying to understand its impact in our world, in our personal lives. And I really want this episode to be focused on how we unearth.
Erin Patten (01:52)
That which we've buried, which has been such a a recurring theme in this season. And before we anyone told you who to be, essentially, like the the classrooms you were in, the the programs you went to as a child, even your parents, your grandparents, your aunts, your uncles, you had this core personality, this core presence. And I remember growing up in my community.
Erin Patten (02:21)
There was a saying that little girls should be seen and not heard. And I could have had the loudest mouth, and I s I still do. The loudest, most talkative mouth ever. And I was always so honest. So I was always saying the right thing, but to the wrong people at the wrong time. And, you know, it really cost me a lot. I was constantly being punished, whether in class and then it was a punished in class, I was punished at home.
Erin Patten (02:51)
So I learned to silence her. And I feel like so many of us need to have a moment to come back to that little girl, that inner self, whether she was shy or outgoing or tomboy. And one way to come back to her is by just getting quiet. And if you're driving, just you know, just relax. You don't have to close your eyes or anything. But if you have the opportunity to close your eyes and
Erin Patten (03:20)
Go back to before you learned how to edit yourself. Okay. How did she sound? Was she loud? Was she quiet? Was she giggly? Was she goofy? What did she wear? Did she wear ruffles or basketball shorts or little pretty dresses? Or backwards t-shirts? And also, what made her laugh? You know, at the core, what made her happy?
Erin Patten (03:50)
Okay. And give yourself a few seconds to just remember her.
Erin Patten (04:01)
Nice. Now once you have that vision, that feeling of who she was, I really want you to honor her and think about how you can bring more of her into your life today. And, you know, if I can give myself as an example, I really have started to lean into this creator influencer title, if you will. And of course, people are like, Erin, you've been doing
Erin Patten (04:29)
This social media stuff for six years, and you've been doing your podcast now, you know, three, four years. And and you don't consider yourself a content creator influencer. And I didn't. And because I was like a business person first, you know, and and I just am now leaning into this aspect of my little girl self that loves to perform, that loves to be seen, that loves to make people smile and happy.
Erin Patten (04:58)
And this is essentially what this podcast pat podcast platform does for me so easily. And so and so and it's so fulfilling. And even the content creation in and of itself does that. So think about something in your life today or what you would love to do in your life today that the little girl would be so proud of, your little self would be so proud of. And really try to bring that aspect of of yourself into yourself.
Erin Patten (05:28)
And also acknowledge what parts of her were encouraged to shut down. What parts of her did she have to that weren't welcome in rooms? And I have to get to really, you know, the cost of that because the part of me that wasn't welcome in rooms, essentially, like I said, my voice, my honesty, my truth, my my talkativeness wasn't welcome in most rooms. And also the way I talked.
Erin Patten (05:57)
wasn't welcome. It wasn't, you know, my notes call it palatable. And palatable essentially is just another word for pleasant pleasant or acceptable. And I will never forget when I was in fourth grade at TH Rogers in Houston, Texas, my fourth grade teacher called me to the co to the front of the room and was correcting my English because I think I said that's mine's with the S on the end.
Erin Patten (06:27)
And actually to this day, I still say mines with the S I've started to switch back because I it it stuck with me so much that she wanted to correct that it's not mines, it's mine. And and that essentially was just like a subtle way of saying, like, you sound ghetto. So let me correct you so you sound more proper and acceptable in this.
Erin Patten (06:56)
Essentially all white classroom because at TH Rogers I was like it was like me and two other black girls. And I think they were the other two black girls were in the other class because they split the fourth grade up into two classes. So I was the only one in my class. And so when I came from third ward, it was just my second year at TH Rogers. I was and before that I was in all black school in third ward. I was at St. Mary's and I and I was the star. I could talk how I won't as loud as I want w when I want, even though we s we did get punished. we did get spankings.
Erin Patten (07:25)
it was a Catholic Montessori school. there was still an aspect of myself that was that was still allowed. And when I got to this elementary school in this very wealthy white neighborhood, only black kid, my English was not proper. Okay. And so I had to learn how to talk proper English, including how to say mine instead of mine's.
Erin Patten (07:51)
So the teaching here is like being palatable, being pleasant, being acceptable is not a character flaw. Okay. it's a survival strategy. And it makes sense because here I am, the only person in this room that talks this way. I want to get good grades. I don't want to get in trouble with my mom because if I got in trouble at school, I'm going home, I'm getting a whooping at home.
Erin Patten (08:15)
I'm getting in trouble at home. And so I wanted to make sure that I did everything right so I wouldn't be punished. Okay. And so that essentially is how we survived. And we learn how to survive. And as a young child, we really start to process these, these
Erin Patten (08:36)
Essentially programs and or ways of being as the way we need to be to survive. Okay. And essentially, you know, we traded visibility for safety. Okay. Instead of, you know, having that safety and security and being ourselves, that authenticity for access. Okay. We wanted to be able to access these rooms. We wanted to be able to access.
Erin Patten (09:06)
access, excuse me, access these institutions and these the the the income levels and the income streams and so we had to trade ourselves our our authenticity our our true way of being for access and as subtle as it sounds it really is a manipulation of ourself and a line to ourselves and
Erin Patten (09:36)
At the worst, at the extreme, a hatred of ourselves. And so if we're taught that who we are, how we speak, how we dress, how we smell, how we show up is inappropriate or unacceptable or not palatable, then we change those things, aspects of ourselves to make ourselves more acceptable. And then we
Erin Patten (10:03)
become to resent ourselves in the process. And that resentment is how I say it can turn into that self-hatred. Because then you've abandoned yourself to be acceptable to someone else. And I hope this resonates with someone because it deeply, deeply resonates with me. I just feel my heart on fire right now. And one thing being palatable got you, one thing being acceptable got you.
Erin Patten (10:34)
And one thing it cost you, okay. So one thing it got me, of course, is you know, great grades, you know, full scholarships, job job positions, of course I always talk about Harvard. It it got me into board seats and boardrooms and and executive rooms and what it cost me.
Erin Patten (11:07)
I have to pause because it's emotional. What it cost me was knowing myself.
Erin Patten (11:18)
What it cost me?
Erin Patten (11:21)
Literally it was thirty years of not knowing who Aaron is, what Aaron wants, what Aaron likes.
Erin Patten (11:30)
And so there's so many of us that go through life wanting to hit the next metric, wanting to, get to the next level, wanting to get to the next title. And that is okay, of course, because a lot of that is what pays bills.
Erin Patten (11:51)
And at the same time, we need to be aware of what it's costing us. At what price are we paying? And we want to be able to hold on to as much of ourselves in these pursuits. Because when we lose ourselves, then we've gained nothing. We've actually gained nothing. So you literally can have the millions of dollars, billions of dollars, the house, the spouse.
Erin Patten (12:20)
The kids and you're a shell of a human. You're a shell of a man, a shell of a woman.
Erin Patten (12:30)
And then that's what it's costed. Your whole soul. And what the Meta Business Millennial Podcast is about, what Aaron Patton, what my purpose is, is to first for me hold on to my soul and then model that for other people. And model that in my words, in my deeds, in my actions, in my voice.
Erin Patten (12:59)
Obviously through this podcast. And that is the greatest honor for me. And so I really want to also ask you this question like what has your palatability, your wanting to be accepted, bought you? And what is it still charging you? So now that we've kind of looked back at the past about the the accepted be wanting to be accepted, how can we see it now present into the future?
Erin Patten (13:29)
what is it what it has it bought us? Okay, it's bought us this degrees, it's bought us, you know, this current position. And then what is it charging you? So how am I still paying for this?
Erin Patten (13:44)
And I know I am. You know, that's what karma is, is when you've operated at a frequency for so long, you've built up that momentum in that direction. And then when you you suddenly stop, like, whoa, whoa, whoa, I don't I don't want to go this way anymore. Like this is way too far, okay? then you know, have to course correct, but you've built up all this momentum in one direction. So that's gonna still keep flowing.
Erin Patten (14:12)
So you gon still be paying for them, them decisions, essentially.
Erin Patten (14:19)
And that's okay. Because those are still lessons that we came here to learn. Lessons that we came here to master.
Erin Patten (14:32)
Mastery is the key. That is the level that we're at right now. If you're tuning into this podcast, this is about mastery.
Erin Patten (14:42)
Decisions that I not only learned from, but I've mastered, I will never do it again. And I actually will be able to teach the path for others. So they'll never have to go that way either. That's mastery. And essentially, the part of you that you bury.
Erin Patten (15:05)
For me, that third war, loudmouth girl. Wow. I'm just gonna name all the things that I just were seeing as so negative back then for me. I buried her. Well, that part of you doesn't disappear. That part of me doesn't disappear. Actually, it just shows up wounded. It shows up angry. Like I said, it shows up presenting.
Erin Patten (15:35)
So for me, I had years of where I would just get wasted drunk. I would just get so drunk. And that part of me could be seen. I could be loud. I could be rambunctious. I could dance all over the place. I could be out of control. And that felt powerful to me. Honestly, it felt like what they call it, liquid courage. I finally had the courage to be myself when I could drink, take shots, stand up on the bar, dance.
Erin Patten (16:05)
dress scandalous, which I still love to do. And
Erin Patten (16:12)
Those that was the best that I could do. And so I look back at that Erin. I used to look back at her with so much shame, so much insecurity. I look back at that party girl Erin and I'm just like, she was doing her best under tremendous amount of pressure, under tremendous amount of trauma. Poor girl. Didn't know what to do with all that energy, all those emotions that had been buried. Buried.
Erin Patten (16:43)
They don't disappear. Those aspects of you that you've buried, they don't disappear. They just manifest in unhealthy, likely, wounded ways. And what we have to do again, like I I've talked about in the last episode, is notice those aspects of ourselves that we buried, name them. For me, it was like the wild, the loud, the talkative.
Erin Patten (17:12)
The one to be center of attention and nurture her. What does she need? Well, Aaron, start a podcast. Be heard. Talk, tell your truth, talk as loud as you want, talk as much as you want. That was a great fix for me. This has been a great healing mechanism for me. I come here every week, to be myself, with myself, and with you. And essentially, we want to be able to do that.
Erin Patten (17:43)
Because it also, and this is the next level, what you bury, it doesn't disappear. It also shows up in what you judge or envy in other women, what you judge or envy in other men, what you judge or envy in your children. Ooh. That's a word, okay? What you roll your eyes at, what you scoff at.
Erin Patten (18:12)
What you talk about behind somebody's back, those are aspects of yourself that you've buried. Okay? Those are aspects of yourself that are begging to be seen by you and not judged by you.
Erin Patten (18:29)
Ooh, and I just had to breathe into that one because that is just something that especially women, we are can tend to be really harsh with each other and really judgmental and talk behind each other's backs. And it is so so hurtful and so painful. I I experienced it. I just experienced it recently with with girlfriends who I had staying at my house and I found out that they're talking about me behind my back after I opened my home to them.
Erin Patten (18:58)
And it's just like, wow, like she must be really hurting to, you know, after I do my best to host, I'm not perfect. But instead of thanking me and and acknowledging while Erin's going through a lot, I'm so glad I could share that space and time with her, she talking about me behind my back.
Erin Patten (19:24)
Okay. So who do you roll your eyes at? Who are you secretly jealous of or envious of? Okay. Because though like those aspects of who you're you're seeing are likely very present in you. And I I had did an episode, wow, a long time ago, episode 47, when I talked about female rappers.
Erin Patten (19:52)
And how they're really able to, I was talking sp specifically about sexy red and lotto. And I really ad admire and adore Glorilla. And I felt like they are the Gen Z version of like us, like millennials, especially me, coming out of Third Ward and being a little hood, a little ratchet, and and being able to be that fully.
Erin Patten (20:19)
And being able to be in that fullest expression and and it being adored and accepted and mainstream. And of course, there's so much criticism around that. I'm totally kind of generalizing around it. So we can get into specifics of the impact on young girls, of course. But in general, being able to be authentically hood and ghetto, you know, we had little Kim. You know, we had, you know, a few models growing up.
Erin Patten (20:49)
But to see it at such a a large scale today and in female rappers is essentially that which I was always told never to be, frankly. Never to be wearing gold teeth, never to be talking hood, you know, never to be calling myself, you know, a hoe. I mean, even all this stuff can be, of course, debated. But all that I was taught not to do.
Erin Patten (21:16)
And that was deplorable and and even and some of it can not be of the highest vibrational frequency, of course, but certainly they were aspects of me that I was told to put that to the side. You know, that's that kind of behavior is inappropriate. Certainly very ghetto and not acceptable in these rooms.
Erin Patten (21:42)
Yet here we are seeing someone like a Nicki Minaj coming off Air Force One. She's side by side, holding hands with the president. again, still comfort controversial things. However, these women have authentically represented themselves and are being seen and celebrated now today, versus 20 years ago when this type of behavior would have been.
Erin Patten (22:09)
Especially criticized in the black community. And so, really, the whole point of that example is to look at all these aspects of yourself that you or someone else outside of you might have criticized as a young girl, that you likely embody and hide because it somehow makes you less acceptable or less palatable or less professional. That's the word.
Erin Patten (22:39)
professional. because that professional word really took out everything that is ethnic, became non-professional. Okay. Like I remember one time my friend when we were in New York as young 20s was telling me that having a big butt was unprofessional. And yeah, and like look at today, like big butts are a thing.
Erin Patten (23:08)
And so and totally in style and on trend and professional. So I think that you know we really want to start to explore these aspects of ourselves that culture is celebrating right now that we might have pushed to the side. And so essentially it's time to bring her back. Bring her all the way back. All those aspects of yourself that were
Erin Patten (23:37)
Too ghetto, not professional, too loud, too colorful, too queer, too whatever. Bring all of that back because she needs you and you need you. Period. Okay. And we want to be able to bring all of ourselves everywhere we go. And love every aspect of ourselves. And to the point that I was making last week.
Erin Patten (24:06)
There are parts of ourselves, of course, that you can keep private. you don't have to be loud ghetto all the time. that can be good for sometimes. However, you don't want to hide that aspect of yourself. You don't want to hide behind that ghetto-ness if that is just how you were raised. Okay. you really wanna be honorable of those aspects of yourself.
Erin Patten (24:35)
That are true to you. And the more you're able to be true to you, the more you're able to be to be real with yourself, the more you can be invite realness and honesty and transparency and truth in your external world. The less faking you have to do, the less fake shit you gotta deal with. Okay. The less hiding you have to do, the less betrayal you'll deal with people hiding in secrecy around you. Because our inner world.
Erin Patten (25:06)
How do we always say it as above so below? Our inner world is a hundred percent mirror and reflection of the world around us. And we have to be able to honor that, acknowledge that, and take accountability for that. And so.
Erin Patten (25:25)
I want us to think about three ways in which we can bring her back. We'll call it three doorways. The first is your voice. So really think about one room where you stopped being yourself and come back to that. Okay. The two is the style. One thing you wear because you would have loved it. All right. So one room where you stop, where you can stop.
Erin Patten (25:55)
Performing and start being yourself in your voice. Two in your style. What's one thing that you can bring back that you can really wear and embody and it gives you life? for me, I'm wearing this cute little Gucci sweater and it's giving me life right now. And in your body, what's one thing that you can do? Maybe your hair, your movement, your laugh at full volume. So think about those three aspects, those three doorways to get back to her.
Erin Patten (26:24)
Okay, so it's the voice, the style, and the body. And those are going to be some great ways for you to really start to embody that little girl aspect of yourself, that that higher aspect of yourself, that that full multidimensional aspect of yourself that's really gonna come online and just start wowing the world. Okay. And last but not least, I started with this being.
Erin Patten (26:52)
The Scorpio inspired podcast. And I really want us to think about what's something in our life that we can allow to die. Okay. So you can't add back to yourself without releasing something. And so we really want to think about maybe a few things, at least one thing that we can put to rest. And for me, I'm gonna do like a little eulogy that I'm gonna lay to rest in my in my life.
Erin Patten (27:23)
And I here lies my fear of being silly, okay? Because when I was growing up, I got goosebumps. When I was growing up, I used to be so goofy and so silly. And I think that's the part of me that I don't allow out at all. And I really feel like my son is six years old. So he's just so full of personality and so silly. And
Erin Patten (27:51)
It really just reminds me of how I used to be when I was a child, when I was a little girl. And I know even for social media, there's so much I could be doing, like dancing and being silly and goofy that could probably draw more people into my platform because it shows more of me, like I'm like a comedian. Like I'm pretty funny, I think. So I wanna say here lies the version of me.
Erin Patten (28:18)
Who felt like I couldn't be goofy to be cool. Here lies a version of me that felt like I couldn't be silly to be accepted. So I want you to think about that for yourself and do a little eulogy. here lies that part of me that, that I didn't think could serve me today. That is me. I'm silly. I'm goofy. And I love to laugh and I love to
Erin Patten (28:48)
Have a good time. And like I said, I would substitute alcohol for that aspect of myself to be to for an excuse to be silly, to be goofy, to be loud, to be boisterous. And when really that that's me. That's me at the core. Okay. And so something I'm adding to my solo cast that I usually do for my guests.
Erin Patten (29:13)
is the lightning round and I really want to do it for myself today. Just a couple of questions that I can just answer in one one word. And maybe you can do it too on your end. And
Erin Patten (29:26)
What's the word you stop saying at work? Hmm.
Erin Patten (29:35)
Well, if I can be honest.
Erin Patten (29:41)
probably the cur it's probably curse words. And that's why probably my podcast, I do curse every now and then. I do say a curse word today. but I have stopped trying to do it because I was trying not to be censored on the on the on the apps and stuff. But I think curse words, cause sometimes I like to slip in a curse word here and there because I really feel emphatic about it. And it's really not a curse word or a bad word per se. Just
Erin Patten (30:08)
I feel like a lot of other words we say are curse words over the fuck and shit and all those other ones. Damn, goddamn but certainly that's something that I started to censor a lot. maybe because I was told that it wasn't ladylike. It wasn't ladylike. what's the song that takes you straight back to her?
Erin Patten (30:30)
I'm going down. I'm going down. Cause you ain't a frown. Baby. Mary J, my whole world's upside down. Like that was the that was my song when I was a little girl. So that's my song that takes me all the way back to Lil Erin.
Erin Patten (30:58)
And what's the room you shrink in most?
Erin Patten (31:03)
The room I shrink in most is when I'm talking to a guy who I have a crush on. And that can be a whole other podcast episode. I completely shrink and I completely clam and I completely cannot be myself. It is so hard when I have like when I actually have a crush on a man. Wow. It's almost
Erin Patten (31:29)
It's it's something that I'm working through being single still and navigating this soul growth and wanting to attract a a divine partner is being my full self in front of a man that I genuinely am attracted to. Heart. That's work. That's real work. Okay. All right, y'all. Well
Erin Patten (31:54)
This wraps up today's episode of the Meta Business Millennial Podcast. I am so glad y'all stuck with me through this episode. This was honestly, wow, incredibly powerful and clearing for me. I didn't think I would be feeling so many feels, and I did feel the feels. And I just want to invite you to follow me across social media at Iam ErinPatton. also, I have my beauty brand, Raw Beauty. I always love
Erin Patten (32:24)
To feature my raw beauty here for you guys to see. There she is, the Raw Beauty hibiscus petal oil. And you can get it on my website at rawbeauty.co, Rabeauty.co at my nice pillows here today for the first time. So happy to have them here with me. And of course, if you really are interested in growing your soul and doing this work.
Erin Patten (32:52)
I'd I'd love to invite you into my divine mentorship, divine alignment mentorship program and support you in growing and being more in alignment with yourself, with your soul as you grow your br brand, as you grow your br business, as you really expand into this new version of you, integrated version, healthy version of you. So you can hit me up at my website, aaronpattent.com, to learn more about those offerings. And of course.
Erin Patten (33:20)
My podcast is here for you. In the meantime, every week. Catch me here. Catch the lessons here. Catch the teachings here. And until our next episode, much love and light. Peace.